Starting Over

I have to start over. I am stuck in such a funk the past couple of months that I just need to breath and start over. So here it goes. Here's me starting over.

Here's how I will start over.
1. weigh in.
-----I will tomorrow morning
2. make a food plan
----I will make a food plan for the week and go grocery shopping at least two times a week.
3. I will exercise every day for at least an hour a day.
4. I will write positive affirmations and place them in different parts of my home. (i need some ideas)
5. I will get rid of all unhealthy food in my house.
6. Be positive.
7. Be Positive.
8. Be Positive.
9. BE POSITIVE
and finally
10. BE POSITIVE!


In the mean tine here's an awesome picture to make you laugh.

Gotta Love Judy the cat!

=)
Amanda


******************EDIT********************
Some affirmations:

This one will go in my bathroom- Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul
This one will go on my fridge-  I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself
I'm not sure where this one will go, but I like it--I choose to find hopeful and optimistic ways to look at this.

I've got to get back to it!

This holiday season is killing me. My eating is OUT OF CONTROL. I have to get myself in check and it starts in the morning. All the cookies that I have left from my Cookie Exchange are going to school. I haven't weighed myself at all, but I probably have gained close to 10 pound since my last Dr's visit. It sucks because I was doing so well. I cannot dwell on my failure though, I must move on and persevere. At this point it is my only choice.  I really want to lose these last 35-40 pounds before the end of the school year. I have been stuck as the same weight for months now. It's just time to do it. No more excuses. NO MORE EXCUSES. 

NO MORE EXCUSES!

I think I want to sign-up for the Ragnar Relay that's starts in Madison, WI and ends in Chicago. I think it would be real fun. I'm going to have to get this ass in shape though. 

__________________________________________________
Since my last post in July, I have a new lady in my life. She is the most adorable thing in the whole world. Her name is Judy and she has stolen my heart.

Isn't she the sweetest?

Amanda =)

First day back

This afternoon was my first day back at the gym. I was excited all day. I just kept thinking...only this many hours and I can go sweat... I am such a dork! I also wanted to look my best. Usually when I go to the gym I could give a shit, but today I wanted to look good. Like it was my "Gym Coming Out Party", ya know? So I wore my favorite capri's from Kohl's and my razor back sleeveless shirt from Old Navy. I have never worn a sleeveless shirt to the gym before, it was saying, "hey, look at these arms baby! I also wore my new lightning Bondi Band and my new running shoes. I felt like a million bucks!

My workout consisted of 45 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes of weights, and a 5 minute run on the treadmill. I wanted to do more, but I haven't been to the gym in SIX weeks! I have to give myself a few days to get acclimated again. If I push it too hard, my back will start yelling at me and I won't be able to walk! I have to take it slow. I definitely could have run longer, but again, I want to pace myself. 
I cannot begin to express how great I feel being able to be in the gym. Over the past few years, the gym has been the place where I feel most comfortable. Well, my bed and the gym... anyway. I love it there. I especially love my gym. It's so small, but I pretty much know everyone, maybe not by name, but I know their faces. It's just a comfortable place to be. 
So the workout wasn't too bad. I had a few small issues with my arms.
1- my arms don't stretch like they should. What I mean is, well, where my scars are, are still pretty tight. I have to stretch the skin in those areas. It's like fresh skin that's not been moved... it's weird. It's sucks and it hurts, but the doc says it's normal.
2. The scars go into my arms pit and get rubbed by my sport bras. Yes, bras. I have big ta-tas and have to wear two. My armpits are the two places where the healing has taken a little longer. It makes sense though... the place where I had the drains, it doesn't see that much air. 


Anyway, I'm feeling great and cannot wait until I drop these last 30 pounds! OMG I am going to look amazing!


=)

A week of visiting old friends

I hope you all had a restful Fourth of July weekend. Mine started off very busy, but ended very relaxing. Late Tuesday night I decided that in the morning I would drive to Jefferson City, Missouri to visit Monica. I hadn't seen her is almost two years, so I decided Wednesday was a good day. The problem was that I had a previous engagement for Thursday evening (I will discuss later) that I could not cancel. So yes, I drove all the way to Jeff City to visit Monica. I was there for only 20 hours. It was worth it though. I really miss Monica. We met back in college when were both 19. 

Here we are hanging out in one of our dorm rooms.

 When we first met I could not stand this girl. Monica was hanging out with another girl from my dorm house in the common room. I walked in the front door and they both started laughing. Of course being the self-conscious girl that I was, I assumed they were laughing at me. Later that year, right before Christmas, I was walking around campus with a video camera and BOOM, Monica was with me and were were friends. I don't know how it happened, but I try not to question fate. We have been the best of friends since that day.


Because she lives to freakin far away, I will take 20 hours over nothing! Here are some pics from the adventure.

Monica and her bf Jeremy

Monica and Miss Slouchie Sloucherson

Monica allowing her niece to do her hair.

We met up with her brother and his family, and then her other brother and his gf showed up too. It was a lot of fun. I simply didn't get enough Monica time and will need to get back to see her soon.


I drive home Thursday morning because of the previous engagement I mentioned earlier. A few weeks ago after having lunch with Liz, my old friend friend Annette from high school mentioned (via facebook) that she, her twin sister Noelle, Liz, and I should get together for a meal. We decided to do it on Thursday evening. I just couldn't back out! I didn't take any pictures, but it was great fun! I haven't seen Annette and Noelle since our ten year high school reunion in 2008. 

That's Noelle on the far left, Liz, Annette, and me. As you can see I was very large here. This is probably at my highest weight. That dress was a size 24 or size 26. I cannot remember, or I guess I don't want to remember! Both Annette and Noelle were pregnant at this time. 
We have already decided to hang out again soon and I will take pictures. It's cool because both Annette and Noelle are married to guys that we went to high school with. I was really good friends with Noelle's husband Kevin, so it will be cool to get to hang out with him too.


The rest of the weekend was pretty low key. I have been planning out my meals for the week, but I blew that out the window today because I just ate half a watermelon. I guess portion control is going to be a serious issue with me. I have to be careful. I refuse to allow myself to look like the girl in the above the picture. I may have been smiling, but don't let it fool you, I was so upset that I had to go to my reunion looking like that. You know, you try and do your hair and make-up to look good, but you put on that large of a dress and nothing else seems to matter. 

This was me in the car on the way to the reunion four years ago. I have to be completely honest, right now I am looking at this picture and tears are welling up in my eyes. How the hell did I let myself get to that point? I have no answer. Nothing. 


ANYWAY! 


I was looking through some pictures on my computer and came across a picture from last Fourth of July. I was maybe 25 or 30 pounds heavier than I am today. I thought I looked so good! Ha!

2011...........................................2012                 

Hopefully next year I will have lost this last 30 pounds and will have another side-by-side of these pictures with one more! Let's make a pact, you out in the blog world, and me, Amanda: I will lose this last 30 pounds and I WILL post another picture! It's a deal.


=)

I need it!

That's right people, I need it, but I can't have it. I need to work out. I am so bored and just over not doing anything when I get home from teaching summer school. Ugh, I don't go back to the plastic surgeon until July 9. That day can't come soon enough. I am hoping that he will release me to workout then. I would start walking, but if I do too much activity, my arms start to ache. My arms are still pretty swollen around my elbows, especially on my right arm. There is good news though, my scars are fading in some spots. It's weird because it's in the middle of the arm!

Right Arm

Left Arm

This is my left arm. You can see where I am swollen.

You all now have seen my bra! Ha! No biggee I guess.


Anyway, I am getting better. I am feeling more confident. I wish I could wear regular shirts now, but I have to still wear compression shirts. Oh well, I look awesome in a few weeks!


Because I have been so bored. I have spending a lot of time on Pintrest. I really should be reading the books that I assigned  for summer reading, but alas, I am a procrastinator.  


Sidebar-- Alex Trebeck is 71? The dude on the Channel 5 News just said "The 71 year-old Trebeck is recovering from a mild heart attack..." Really, Alex is 71. I thought he was in his late 50's....


OK, I am a procrastinator...


I spend my extra time on Pintrest getting inspired. So, I have done three DIY projects this weekend. 


Project One: New pole for my patio umbrella. Last summer when I moved from Dave's into this apartment, my pole somehow was misplaced. I have been unable to use the umbrella. I priced a new one and it was sixty bucks. Really? Mine is basically new. So after speaking with a few friends, I decided to fix it myself. After spending under $10, Wala! 
Supplies:
a PVC pipe
small saw
sharpie
measuring tape


    

There you have it!


Then, I decided it was a good weekend to paint my old curio cabinet. It was ugly.
Project Two:

Circa 1985, right? So I headed back to the hardware store and  bought primer, paint, and paint brushes.

 After priming, I started to paint it the purple bought, but it looked like shit terribile. So back to Lowe's I went. I picked up some Black High Gloss and painted two coats.

Here's the cabinet after one coat.

Project Three:
Spray painting my Shepard Hooks. I didn't take a picture, but the hooks are now bright purple, teal, and yellow. Very cute!


I have been a very busy lady this weekend! I also went on a date on Friday and saw a movie on Sunday. Whew! All that makes for one tired lady! And with that, Good Night!

=)

Been gone awhile....

     So I have gone AWOL from my blog for awhile. I have no good excuse. I am simply a bum. In the last entry I had just run my 10k. It was one of the most exciting days of my life. I was so proud of what I did. After the race I stopped running and started concentrating more on just working out. I also decided to go through with something that I have dreamed about for years.
     It was something I never thought could happen. I decided to get skin removal on my arms. It was something that made me so self-conscious for years. I don't quite remember when the skin started to become a problem. I didn't have it in college, but when my brother was married three years later, it was there in all its glory. I started really noticing it, especially on my right arm, when I began dating Dave. We were hanging out at my apartment and I was telling him about my weight loss. At the time (March 2010) I had lost 50 or so pounds and the skin on my right arm was very noticeable. Anyway, I was telling him about the weight loss and he mentioned something about lifting weights to help my arm. He wasn't rude or anything, but It really got me thinking. So I began to really focus my workouts on lifting weights trying to change my arms. But by that time, I was in love, and had hurt my back. Working out became secondary, and as I have blogged before, I gained back much of the weight I had lost.

     Fast forward to March of 2012... With support of my family and my friend Chrissy, I decided to see a plastic surgeon about my arms. With my 100 pound weight loss, the skin on my right arm had increased. It was becoming difficult to find short sleeve shirts that hid my skin. I was very unhappy, and I was sad. Every time I bought a cute shirt, I would have to buy a sweater to wear to cover up with. I hated it. The plastic surgeon said I was a good candidate for Brachioplasty, or an arm lift. I was able to get financing for the surgery, and Chrissy said she could help me during the first day of recovery. So I booked it. June 4th would be the day.
     For whatever reason, I didn't take a before picture. I am a dumb ass. I looked through all of my pictures for a pic of my arms and found nothing. Over the past several years, I have done an excellent job of hiding my arms in pictures! Here's one from a few weeks ago. You can barely see my arm, but you will get the idea.

See.... look right above this ^^^ My left arm wasn't so bad. In fact, if my right arm looked like my left arm, I would not have had surgery.

     June 4th arrived in a hurry. That morning I was so excited and scared. I am very glad that Chrissy was there to help me.

I was showing off my booties, but more importantly, the fact that my feet hang off the 

bed.

I took this as I waited to be wheeled into  the room!

When the anesthesiology was waking me from the surgery I remember asking, "Do I have skinny arms?" All the people laughed. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet.  Surprise, surprise, me trying to be the comedian! 

I was a immense pain. It was quite a weird feeling. My surgery took about two and  half hours. I was in recovery for close to five hours. I was not recovering very well. I was very nauseous and in a lot of pain.  Chrissy drove me home and I slept and slept and slept. Later that night Chrissy took a few pictures of my "new" arms.

Left Arm

Right arm (the one that made me want to get this surgery)

Why yes, those are drains hanging down! Gross, I know, but a necessity! 

So there ya go. I am still in a little bit of pain. I am amazed at the numbness that I have around the stitches. Now I am very swollen around my elbows. I have to wear under armor to help, but it doesn't always help. 

The Big F-ing Run!

So I did it. I f-ing did it! I ran my 10K. Without stopping, without doubting myself, with complete confidence in myself. I didn't even know I could do it. I realize that I have been training for weeks now, but I wasn't sure I would be able to do it. It was quite an amazing feeling.

I decided that because I am a pretty slow runner I should go near the back of the pretty large pack. This was a good idea. I paced myself well and never felt tired. The guy that won passed me when I had just hit the 2 mile mark... which means he was at the 4 mile mark. It made me feel REALLY slow! Anyway. I was making great time. at the 3.1 mile mark I was just under 35 minutes. That is just a few seconds faster than I ran my 5K a few weeks ago so I knew I was doing great.


I wish I had a camera with me while I was running. There a woman in front of me at the beginning  of the race. She was a HOT mess! She had on what I think were running tights, but possibly could have real tights. She didn't have on any underwear. Wanna know how I know that? Because her running tights were SEE THROUGH! I could see her whole entire ass! The whole thing people! It was not at all a pretty sight. I had to pass her because I could not stop staring at her ass. It was like an, an... I don't know what it was like. It was just ugly.


At the 4 mile mark I was beginning to feel a little fatigued. I even tried to stop for a second to catch my breath, but there was something pushing me to keep going. It literally felt like someone had their hands on me pushing me forward. It actually gave me a sense of renewal. It was a real pick me up. 
I also knew that at the end of the race I had people who really loved me there to cheer for me. Bob, and his partner Bill, my brother Christopher, and my boyfriend Mike. For some reason, I did not take a picture with my brother... weird.

 Aren't I a lucky lady? I mean to have all these great people here!

So, I finished the race in 1:11:20. My goal was 1:10... Now too far off eh? I am very proud of myself. I haven't felt this good about myself in a really long time!

=)

a little bit blah...

I'm feeling a little bit down today. I just haven't felt myself for a few days. It is a real icky feeling. My 10K is in a few days, but I am not all that excited for it. I was looking forward to running it with my brother, but then at Easter he admitted that he has not trained at all. It was disappointing to say the least. I guess I had this image of us running together. I don't even know if he is going to try running. I also thought I would have people there at the end cheering me on, but I don't think that will happen. I guess I am just feeling sad for myself tonight. 


Tomorrow is my last practice run before the big race. I hope that I don't run into any creatures like I did last week!

These two turkeys were on the path in my way. I started running towards at them thinking that they would get the hell outta my way. The female turkey flew up into the trees, but the big make turkey just turned around and stood his ground. I know from other's stories, that male turkeys can be mean. I decided that I would act like a crazy bird and get him off the path. I started flapping my "wings" and screaming, "get out of my way turkey!" There were some screams too. I wish someone would have been there to witness this awesome "crazy bird" move by me. It was quite possibly one of my finest moments!


=)

Ugh! Running is taking it's toll!

I just got done with my worst run to date. I just can't get my mindset to change. All I think about when I run is how much my back is going to hurt when I am done running. Seriously! Every time my foot hits the ground, my back cries a little more. If I didn't have a 10K in twelve days, I would probably quit running now. I paid and trained my ass off for that race, and I am not going to quit on it now. On April 23, I will take a much needed break and then go back to my regular working out regiment on April 24th. I just wish my back didn't hurt at all. I wish that I could figure out a way to get rid of the pain. I thought that after losing all of the weight that I have lost, my f-ing back would get better. It is so aggravating. 


On a better note, I am so happy with my relation with Mike. He is such a good man. He makes me laugh and smile and snort all of the time. I am really feeling lucky to have found him. 

Easter flowers from Mike

We are so cute!

What a goofy man!

 I don't know what else to say about him except this: I am totally falling for this guy! Oh geeze, I said it! Last week I made him meet my family. My sister and two of her kids came to Illinois to visit us. It was a surprise visit. On Friday I had already made plans to eat sushi with my sister-in-law and was surprised that my sister was there too. It was very cool.

Darren and a lemon

Darren and Shea

Colleen and creepy Danny

So, I called Mike.... well I texted him. Anyway, he drove up to my brother's house and spent the evening with my family. I hope they all like him. I know that Anjali, my sister-in-law, said she did. My sister said something about that fact that Mike looked like a golfer. Yes, yes he did. In fact, he came directly from the golf course! We then spent part of Saturday together at my friend Liz's house, and we spent Easter together. We had  a whole lot of together time! I don't want to go on and on, but he's a pretty cool guy and I am excited for what's to come. After the last break-up, I feel like I deserve a great guy like Mike. 

=)

Some really, really big news

I have been dreaming about this for years. I thought that it was something that I could only wish for, but after yesterday In know that it is in the cards for me.


Yesterday I went and and had a consultation at a plastic surgeon to get the excess skin removed from my upper arms. The skin is something that has made me so sad in the past couple of years. I cannot even wear certain shirts anymore because all this nasty skin hangs out. Now I know that all of you will be looking at my arms, but please try not to!


I am so thankful for my parents. They have been so supportive since I first started talking about having this surgery a few months ago. I wouldn't be able to have the surgery without them. They are such great people and I am the luckiest girl to have such great parents.


I haven't made an appointment yet for the surgery, but I will tomorrow. I am thinking that I will have the surgery the minute school gets out. That is going to be maybe June 4th or so. I seriously couldn't be more excited. 


The downside of this surgery is that I will be out of commission for 4-6 weeks. I won't be able to exercise and stuff. I believe this is a small price to pay. The doctor also mentioned the scars that I will get from the surgery will be noticeable, but you know what? I don't give a shit! If I can wear shirts and feel good about myself, then it will be all worth it for me. 


In other news, I decided that because I didn't run a long run on Sunday, I should probably do it today. So, I did. I ram six miles. The first five were great, but that last one was hell. My knees were killing and it was getting really cold and windy out. At mile 5 I was cursing myself for deciding to run a long run today. Ugh! I did reward myself with a bag of Craisins. There were delicious. 


=)

THE 5k and the big number...

So I did it. I ran my first race, and you know what? I like it. I really did. It felt amazing to compete and pass people on the course. Because I have been reading a bunch of running and weight loss blogs, I kind of knew what to expect. Everyone says, "don't start out too fast or you will have to stop. Keep your normal pace." So that it what I did, except I think I may have been going too slow. At the one mile mark I was at 11:55, ugh exsqueeze me? That's like 30 seconds slower than I normally run. Therefore, I picked it up a little. I really like passing the people that started out too fast. They all ran by me in the very beginning and then on the back half I passed most of them. I wanted to kick my dust in their faces!


Bahahahaha! I 


Here are my stats from the race:


Finish: 35:19
Pace:  11:23
Overall place: 223
Age Group: 23


Not great, but not too shabby either.


Garrett ran the 5k too and finished in 28 minutes. What a dick. Haha. The man didn't even train! Molly walked the two mile walk. It was so much fun, I cannot wait for my 10k in three weeks!


In other great news, I have LOST 100 POUNDS! What! Yeah! Yeah! I weighed myself on Thursday morning and almost fell off the scale. After my Spring Break fun I didn't think I would be able to get to this milestone this week. I can't tell you all how big a moment this is for me. When I started on this journey three years ago, I never thought I would actually get here. At that point in my life I was so sad about the state of my body and feeling that I could never be happy. May 6, 2009 was the best day of my life. It's the day I decided to make a change. A change that I have never regretted. I think that one of my blogs in the future will be something like 100 things that are different after 100 pounds. It will take me awhile to compile said list.


I also have some more exciting news. I have met a great guy. I mean it, a fabulous guy. He's a teacher in another district, tall, handsome, funny, and a good kisser. I haven't felt this way about someone in many years. He makes me laugh and he understands me. Anyway, it's just something I am very excited and happy about. 


=)

It's been a week, but So much has happened!

I have had such an amazing spring break! I don't remember the last time I had such a good time. I really do have amazing friends and thank God that I have been blessed with such great people in my life. We were down in Creole Springs, Illinois on Lake of Egypt. I just realized that I took zero pictures of the lake. What a dummy I am! The house we stayed in was right on the damn thing, you'd think I would have taken a picture! I guess I have one with the lake in the background!

Garrett's uncle let us use the house for a few days. The house was way better than I expected. It was four bedrooms, two baths, it had a down stairs sun room and an upstairs screened in  sun room. It had a huge deck that faced the lake. It was just wonderful.

We arrived late on Wednesday evening and just chillaxed. We drank a little and just hung out and had girl talk. This girl talk might have been a little uncomfortable for Garrett!

Bill and his friend Sam arrived on Thursday morning and we immediately decided to go geocaching. Go to this Link to find out more about geocaching. When we were looking for one of the geocaches we came across a washed out road. Well we thought it was washed out, but really it had a waterfall. It's hard to explain. Here are a few pictures to help you see.

It was quite an amazing sight to see a road just end and then a waterfall where one would think there should be a guard rail or something. After this, we got back on the road and found more geocahches and then saw the signs. The signs for wineries.Oh yeah, it was on! We visited two wineries. One was Bella Terra and the other is Windy Hill. I loved the wine at Bella Terra, but the wine at Windy Hill was yucky! I bought three bottles of the wine from Bella Terra. We went back to the house and started drinking. It was 4 pm. Yes, 4 pm. Needless to say, we were all in bed by 10 that night. That's a lot of drinking for me! I hardly ever drink, ya know! It was a lot of fun!

 We were supposed to go climbing on Friday but the weather was just too iffy. We decided to go hiking instead. We headed out to Molly's camp where she worked for a few years because there are a couple of waterfalls on the grounds.

Beautiful, right?

It was just a wonderful experience altogether. Three years ago I wouldn't have been able to do any of this stuff. I wouldn't have even gone. I was just too large and could not have done what I needed to do to get up and down the hills and through somewhat small crevices. I am so glad that I made the decision to change my life three years go.

Today I had a six mile run on my agenda as well as my cousin Morgan's baby shower. I knew the minute I woke up that this run was going to be a difficult one. After hiking up and down tough terrain and driving several hours, my knees were so sore. I was hoping to get a better time than I had last week, but I ended up getting the same exact time. Well, give or take a few seconds! I had to ice my knees after the run because they were hurting.

I then got ready and headed to the city to Morgan's shower. She is a very cute pregnant girl! I didn't take any pictures of her, but she is so adorable. I think I looked pretty as well today.

BTW- I totally omitted how much I overate this Spring break. I feel disgusting and DO NOT want to weigh myself. I will tomorrow, but I know I probably gained 5 pounds. This week will be a workout nightmare for my body!!!

=)